self obsessive posts

Here’s another Goddamn kitten pic cuz maybe I’m...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 02:45:19 -0400

Here’s another Goddamn kitten pic cuz maybe I’m worth it maybe its mankind, I love author cords t
I mean autocorrect just so tired rn

Hey stress just take me away

Oh this Goddard (god damn) pic is with iPhone I mean wtf so good

I’m temporarily fostering 4 goddamn kittens. So stressful...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 02:38:06 -0400

I’m temporarily fostering 4 goddamn kittens. So stressful when paired with full time school and work and now house sitting…. Woah I’m superwoman except that I’m doing bad with all… Only staying sane with Xanax….. Good night

Started to feel drug centric Took g yesterday because I got molly but he didnt wanna risk the...

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 05:07:52 -0400

Started to feel drug centric

Took g yesterday because I got molly but he didnt wanna risk the withdrawal for a few weeks after his first withdrawal which is all fine because i want him to stop relying on it so he can see more. So I took some g cuz I got molly but g is like liquid e..now I’m on some Xanax. Wine, pot and ambien and lamictal… I’m thinking about alternative ways to be happy , give the normal college girl life a chance. Maybe I’ll have fun but its low or never. Just addicted to this kind of diZZINESS that I wanted and couldn’t grt from g yesterday so today I wanted it so ambien and I’m feeling it right now

I want to take so many drugs… Shrooms in big sur or acid law Vegas or e in bed…

Food is all over the world. In work at angroceyrr store and that’s enough, so nervous and food and whatnot… Theres drama but mines the most important cuz it isn’t drama.

R is so gorge and tough and silly and self deprecating. I told her about S and seemed like she was hidih a sad… But I wanna tell her that I love watching her work in the creepiest way (lesbians can get away for that)

I feel like r is so close to my closest life in the outside, with doctor visits and things and with her I can gauge mental health with others and if there’s anything going on if its me or those around it. I definitely feel like this is what I hav pretty often just more quiet. Will read more. Should make more art with psych lenses on… It’s what I have, psych life background and stuff

This is my fav part about ambien is this chatter I won’t remember in the morning even tho I know now maybe not…..

It’s my favorite dizzy with no pain, just hi

I’m such a klepto lately too. It isn’t that bad but it’s getting into my lower morals to what I’m taking it. But work is so boring is what I have to give myself dopamine hits to stay awake. Need better versions than this.

When someone thinks compliments can pull me out of my depression

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 14:17:31 -0400

edrecoveryprobs:

I dream of a kitchen aid for all of the food I can make and not eat I want to gash myself so...

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 03:46:11 -0400

I dream of a kitchen aid for all of the food I can make and not eat

I want to gash myself so bad………………. For a few weeks now….. It’s so hard to hold it in. My one true addiction I think. I can hurt myself for hours and not even worry that so much time has passed. When you hurt yourself you don’t even care that you’re hurting yourself.

And if I tell people snything… They will watch me until I eat and tell me to make art about it. But really I just want to make pretty girls to look at. Buuhhh

Can bf turn into a girl for like 6 months? That’d be nice and I don’t have to worry about this whole poly issue

Also I’m eating a lot and need to probably exercise cuz I’m getting plush… Made out of pudding… Ick….

Gashes gashes we all fall down

Had glass stuck in my toe all day. Was wondering why it hurt. Now I have a toe hole

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 15:39:10 -0400

Had glass stuck in my toe all day. Was wondering why it hurt. Now I have a toe hole

Nope, nothing’s going to happen anymore and I’m filled with jealousy so it’s the...

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:20:14 -0400

Nope, nothing’s going to happen anymore and I’m filled with jealousy so it’s the worst of both worlds. Fuck.

And I just looked over thinking he was still sleeping next to me and it seems like he’s been gone for a while.

Fuck yeah! Also like everyone I know is gay? I made 2 more lesbian friends today and one asked me...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 05:09:43 -0400

Fuck yeah!

Also like everyone I know is gay? I made 2 more lesbian friends today and one asked me if I wanted to play and the other is goooerrrrrrgeioys. I know cuz I said she looked like Dana from the L word.

I work at a grocery store where 9/10 out of is are girl-lovin and the last one is religious and never had a bf so who knows!

All I know is that I am making my own L Word group of friends and I’m even in Santa Monica. Didn’t even realize I was prepping my entire up to be so gay.

☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Shoo I’m crazy Part of an email: “Also, I don’t know if I told you yet but,...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 05:00:53 -0400

Shoo I’m crazy

Part of an email:

“Also, I don’t know if I told you yet but, kissing you was really nice.”

Omg great news

I’m having doubts now. I texted her to come over on Friday and she never responded. I know she...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:09:22 -0400

I’m having doubts now. I texted her to come over on Friday and she never responded. I know she likes me and she’s afraid of something and doesn’t want to go further unless she was drunk I’m guessing. She was when she got with F. I think she’s straighter than she thinks.
I don’t think I can have her, and she’s constantly having others. I’m starting to feel jealous but that’s so wrong of me. I won’t get anywhere feeling jealous.
It was just so nice to kiss her and spoon her. I just wish she wanted it when she was sober…

F asked why S and I haven’t had sex yet. We’re too shy, so shy they had sex before...

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 22:49:12 -0500

F asked why S and I haven’t had sex yet. We’re too shy, so shy they had sex before us.

But we made out yayay it was at a club in WeHo but it was so fucking passionate!

Passionate and drunk but still passionate. Then we held hands and took a candlelit bath and didnt even have sex cuz I kept barfing from drinking so much but it was so fun and were finally starting something.

Dyke jokes #69 Laughing about our pooch problems when wearing boys underwear.

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 22:32:07 -0500

Dyke jokes #69

Laughing about our pooch problems when wearing boys underwear.

She’s so fucking hot. Her body is amazing and her ass is amazing. She likes me and I like her....

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:43:32 -0500

She’s so fucking hot. Her body is amazing and her ass is amazing. She likes me and I like her. We might even be best friends right now, I don’t know. Why would anyone want to be my best friend? We would live together and have a cat and be powerful women together. Maybe even 2 cats. And she can sleep with men and I can be with other people and all that stuff. And have separate lives. And we’d fuck each other so well. And I’d be horny all the time and she would too. And she’d help me stop being such a depressing person. And I’d listen to her and shed listen to me. And we’d have jobs that we like enough that pay well enough and maybe live small in a nice apartment. And we’d be so romantic together. I want her so much but I’m too shy and too worried to do anything because I don’t want to mess up what we already have. I don’t want to just be a fuck buddy, I want to be her romance too. So much romance and lighting candles and doing shrooms and shit. And we wouldn’t have as much drama because its not something we need. And I love her so much that I don’t even want to tell her anymore because maybe this fantasy is just what I need to keep going. Maybe my fantasy is better than anything real life can bring me.

Psychiatrist dropped my insurance so I have no psychiatrist again. I’m not eating well again....

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 02:32:46 -0500

Psychiatrist dropped my insurance so I have no psychiatrist again. I’m not eating well again. My relationship is troubled because I have no libido. School is yelling in the back of my mind. As depressing as work and being a cashier is, I’m happy to be there just for the security of it all. There’s no changing, it’s a shitty job so I won’t get fired, I could get caught stealing and they’d be too desperate to even fire me.

This really sucks. I’m hungry and I can’t eat because I’m disgusted by food. I’m probably getting sick and will probably eventually get sick because ssri withdrawals always kick me in the ass. I don’t even know what to grab on to anymore. Losing stability. The only thing I can think to do is not eat, cuz everything is radio noise so telling myself to eat better is useless. Just stresses me and I don’t need more of that.

He said I looked healthy. He said I looked healthier than her. ;__;

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:33:25 -0500

He said I looked healthy. He said I looked healthier than her. ;__;

It’s been 4 years and they still remind me all the...

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 17:16:42 -0500

It’s been 4 years and they still remind me all the time… God fuck it

Hurts to daydream about leaving him to be with her

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 05:14:38 -0500

Hurts to daydream about leaving him to be with her

Yeah maybe I’m not tryingn to hurt you but you sure haven’t made any progress in the...

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 15:36:34 -0500

Yeah maybe I’m not tryingn to hurt you but you sure haven’t made any progress in the past 2 yrs. I trusted you to get sober within a year and it sure isnt happening. Especially doesnt make up for the fact you had been lying to me for 2 years.

All I want is a cat and you won’t even let me do that. The dog you adopted will want to eat it. Maybe I should seriously consider moving back to my parents or with Sachi because this is fucking important.

Definitely don’t want to eat forever. Definitely want to hurt myself and bleed cuz you won’t fucking listen to me and take me seriously. Like my pain doesn’t matter cuz I deal with y. Because when I’m upset you think it’s about you because you’re narcissistic and can’t imagine the pain I feel.

God, why am I almost 21 and still caring about bones… What the fuck? Am I 15 or something? I...

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 03:06:55 -0500

God, why am I almost 21 and still caring about bones… What the fuck? Am I 15 or something? I thought I’d be in a cooler place by now, back in high school. At least pleasing someone and not be in a dead end minimum wage. This sucks.

It’s so easy to see why I am such a failure.

Straight As don’t matter at a community college. In fact, people get angry at me for not transferring yet. Fuck!!!

I fucking work, take more than a full course load, and somehow try to keep my house clean while my boyfriend just sleeps and plays video games all day…

But I’m the failure, I’m the one that’s supposed to please people and look good. I have to keep everything together and bite my tongue because no one else is doing it.

Awkward placement of weight loss advertisement

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 03:00:56 -0500

Awkward placement of weight loss advertisement